Introduction: These are all jokes I've thought up, been sent, or discovered whilst randomly surfing the "net". If one of these is yours let me know and I'll give you the credit. If it is yours and you want it removed then also please let me know. If you want to contribute then please do so to: email@parisworld.co.uk

MG Joke:

I pulled into a garage with my newly purchased MGB and politely asked "Have you got a windscreen wiper blade for my car?"
The mechanic replied "sounds like a good deal to me mate!"

Blonde Joke:

A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal." "That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I only can sell the car. "Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore." The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?" "No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it."

Rolls-Royce driver Joke:

A TR pulled alongside a Rolls-Royce at a traffic lights.
"Do you have a car phone?" its driver asked the man in the Rolls.
"Of course I do," was the haughty reply.
"Do you have a fax machine?"
The Rolls driver sighed. "I have that too."
"Do you have a double bed in the back?" the TR driver wanted to know. Ashen-faced, the Rolls driver sped off.
That afternoon, he had a mechanic install a double bed in his car.
A week later, the Rolls driver passed the same TR, parked on the side of the road with its back windows fogged up and steam pouring out. The arrogant driver pulled over, got out of the Rolls and banged on the TR's rear window. "I want you to know that I've had a double bed installed," bragged the Rolls driver.
The TR driver rolled his window down and frowned at the Rolls driver. "You got me out of the shower to tell me that?"

Lucas Joke:

Why do the British drink warm beer?

Because they all have Lucas refrigerators!

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

Custom Car:

John was telling his friend how his uncle tried to make a new car for himself...

"So he took wheels from an MG, a radiator from a Spitfire, some panels and bumpers from a TR6..."

"Holy Cow," interrupted his friend, "What did he end up with?"

And John replied, "Two years and probation."

WWII Theme - MG Owner:

There were an MG owner and a TR owner working as spies in Germany during the 2nd WW. Unfortunately they were captured and as spies were to face a firing squad.

"I know" suggests the TR owner "just as they are about to shoot distract them and then you aught to make it over the wall". "Ok" says the MG owner "we'll try it".

TR owner is put up against the wall. Firing squad aims. About to shoot when he shouts "Look out! Flood!!", pointing behind them. Firing squad turns round - no flood - but by the time they've turned back he's over the wall and gone.

MG owner is next against the wall. "Easy" he thinks, having seen the TR owner get away.

Firing squad aims. About to shoot when he waves his hands and shouts "Fire!!" (oops)

WWII Theme - Spy Joke (by Jean):

At the start of WW2 the German Authorities found it necessary to infiltrate some spies in the U.K.
So following a very intensive linguistic training by hunderds of
Secret Service agents 2 candidates were selected for this critical top secret operation.
On a foggy winter evening the 2 men were dropped by a submarine just off the British coast and paddled in a black dingy to shore. Here they very carefully burried their equipment and walked to the next village. Following the spare light they soon reached the local pub, the address par exellence to get aquainted to their new identity. The place was crowded and after some struggle they both reached the bar. Making the best of their intensive training one of the Germans with a firm voice asked the bartender " Sir, may we have two glasses of Sherry "
Turning half around the bartender responded " Dry "
The other German very irritated in a loud voice " NEIN ZWEI "

WWII Theme - Another MG Owner:

MG owner, TR owner and a Healey owner in an aeroplane over occupied France. They are involved in a dogfight and the plane is seriously damaged and going down.

Unfortunately there are no parachutes and things are looking bad. The TR owner makes a suggestion. "Just before I left England a gipsy gave me this lucky charm. It might just save our lives. Rub the charm as you jump and wish for a safe landing!".

First goes the Healey owner. He rubs the charm and thinks of a nice soft landing in feathers. Amazingly he falls through the open skylight of a nearby house and lands safely on a large feather bed!".

Then goes the TR owner. He rubs the charm and thinks of a nice soft landing in water. Amazingly he falls into the garden of a nearby house and lands safely in a large swimming pool.

Finally the MG owner. He rubs the charm and walks towards the open aircraft door. He's just thinking of his landing when he loses his footing, trips and falls out of the aircraft. "SH*T" he shouts as he falls ......